I wonder what it is that I really long for. A happy marriage? Chance has given me that. A house? Material things?

It's not you, per se. Not your approval, your blessing or your love. Certainly, you are not the pinnacle of any of that. It's really all bullshit.

Instead I will be an example of indifference. A perfect model. The very avatar of apathy.
No matter how hard I try I am always easy. I'm transparent. The dot matrix of my heart is wretched and raw. A scab picked clean and infected over and over. The perfect cliche.

Jaw set, nothing given away. You can't hurt me.

No one can.