I wonder what it is that I really long for. A happy marriage? Chance has given me that. A house? Material things?

It's not you, per se. Not your approval, your blessing or your love. Certainly, you are not the pinnacle of any of that. It's really all bullshit.

Instead I will be an example of indifference. A perfect model. The very avatar of apathy.
No matter how hard I try I am always easy. I'm transparent. The dot matrix of my heart is wretched and raw. A scab picked clean and infected over and over. The perfect cliche.

Jaw set, nothing given away. You can't hurt me.

No one can.

Epiphany?

Are you fucking kidding me that the lube we use kills sperm within 60 minutes of ejaculation???